well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
