i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
