I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
