I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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