so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
