If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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