Sry I called you an 8
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
