even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
