yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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