my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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