No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What a dumb baby whore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
