dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
