im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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