A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
