I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
