my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
