i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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