No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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