in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
