I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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