When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
