Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
