it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
