You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
