you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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