i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
