when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
