So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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