wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
