new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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