my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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