think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
