Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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