I heard we made out
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
