bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
