super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
