You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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