There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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