I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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