It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
A+ Viking dick
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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