How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
