help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
