thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
