drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
