operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
