is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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