How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
