I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she smelled like a LAN party
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
