on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
