look no pants
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
