turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
