I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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