Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
